To Chrishirl

Mistakes I made, I never see the consequences. I say things I don’t mean, and words turn around to bite me when I am unaware. I cut myself in my heart, and you sprinkle salt all over it. If it was meant as a joke, God played his part in this, if it is revenge, you killed me over a million times. You say I’m not worth, and then you say I am. I am confuse, world spinning so hard around me, I cannot see anything – but you. It’s like I got slapped so hard, I don’t feel anything – but you. You tell me what I was, is not cool. But what I was, was all pretense. I was heartbroken once before, and I did my best to cover my sadness, the despair I felt. I built up a mask, to wear on myself so others don’t see my weakness. I did all that the mask could do, so much, it almost felt like it was how it’s supposed to be.

And then I met you. Which apparently to me was doing the same, I still had my mask on. Feeling insecure, I never took it off. I hid behind that mask for a long time, to watch, and observe. As time goes by, I let my mask go. I removed myself from that image, and I returned to how I was originally. But you felt not, and assumed I was how the mask would be. It’s not the same as to what I say, to what I do. Talk is cheap, you said it yourself. And I totally agree, because my talk is cheap. But my actions are not. I don’t spend my time on anything, or anyone anytime. I choose. I am not a player, ask around, my close friends, how I was before you met me.

What I am trying to say is – Chrishirl, I love you. And it does’nt matter what I say, but I want you to open your eyes and your mind. Don’t you feel it?

1st day of school. again.

Pretty darn boring I’d say! for the 1st day of school.
Can’t wait for things to pick up its pace. Like maybe start sitting in a class with a table, and assigned with work to do. Time will prolly go faster that way.
It was listening to some lectures (if you consider welcome notes lectures lol) the whole day! ON A WOODEN/METAL stool! and even the chairs with lean on are uncomfortable!
haha, but I won’t complain much I guess, It should get really busy soon, and at that time, I have more than enough things to complain about! woops! LOL… and no, actually I don’t complain much. This is just a series of my text rantings I know. Aight, gonna cook me some Pizzas for supper! how that sounds!

Mehh… mehhh….

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.

She brought the lamb to school one day, to see a sheep-skinned masquerade.

Shed the fur, tore the skin, the lamb was almost lost in sin.

Try she may, cried she did, Mary saved it from the fray…

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.

Again it was another day, a gather for the lambs they may.

Lots of lambs, and lots of fun. Alas the Wolf have  came to feast.

Lambs were killed, and lambs were hurt. How could Mary not be worried?

Safe it may, safe she hopes. Mary’s only wait at home…

- Don’t be the lamb that dies, for Mary’s only strength is trust. Trust that the lamb will know when to hide, and where to run.. for in the arms of Mary, is where the doors are open to safety.

Heartbeat. Heavy and fast..

Sometimes I just don’t realise. Sometimes I am choked, and desperate for air.

And sometimes, I am longing for you so much, I say, or feel what you don’t expect me to. It’s because you are not with me, that I feel that insecurity. I am human. And I am a different one from the ones you know of..

Wait, put your hand to my heart. Do you hear the beat talking to you? I feel just the way you do.

New term

Can’t help but think I have not enough time. And I don’t feel any special difference on the outside. Well, I guess school is starting.

What is the difference? Nothing.

” Sit back, relax, and watch how your life will turn out. ” or ” Don’t let your life control you, control life. “

Either way, if you look at it. Its the same. Your controlling your life whether you like it or not. Everything you have done, you chose. Everything you are happy about, pat yourself on the back. And everything you regret, it is your fault.

And whether you are happy or not with your life, the world still spins, and life still goes on.

Now, I’ll tell you I love you. So show me that something nice.

Tell me how.. tell me now..

Hey…

I can’t seem to jump, when I am encumbered by faith.

I am unable to run, when I my thoughts won’t listen.

And I cannot speak, when I am choked in self-denial.

Tell me,

How do I breath, when I know theres not enough air left for you.

Here I come, life.

So i think i finally felt it. I’m tired of clubbing and partying away my life.

There is no mood for anything. No motivation or passion for anything now. But when I heard your voice, I suddenly felt better.

I can’t stop. -Why did’nt you?

You breath in the fragrant air and notice your beautiful surroundings. Every where is comfortable and nice. You hear music playing in your background, but every tune is your favourite song. And then you settle for your food, and even the simplest of dishes tastes like a delicacy. – Can you imagine how perfect the world will be?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If only you are here with me.

What a day, and it only began. FUCK

Fucking ICT. fuck up planning. what else i gotta say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I came home to have dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not exactly delicious I know, infact it was horrible.

*What little time I have*